COURAGE AND COMPASSION

• As gay people find it difficult to gain acceptance in society, they find it difficult to come out to their parents.
• Many times, members of the LGBTQ community fear for their safety due to threats of violence. That is why coming out is difficult.
• LGBTQ people need guidance in all six stages of coming out.
• In the past, Bollywood movies have been famous for projecting gays as subjects of ridicule. However, recent films and web series are now trying to turn a new leaf.
• HelloDr offers services that can help gays and other LGBTQ people to come out to society.

It has always been difficult for gay people to come out and get accepted in society. At a young age, when they start to understand their sexual orientation and wonder why they feel attracted to the same sex, they are confused. They wonder how to communicate their sexual orientation to their parents. They cannot ask anyone, and they cannot gain support from anyone. They fear that if their parents are not supportive, they will freak out and wonder if their son/daughter is mentally unstable. In ancient times, violence against gay people was seen as acceptable. Today, there may be laws to protect gays from hate crimes and violence, but the mindset to accept gay people without prejudice is taking time to change. The process of coming out can be personal. For every person, it can take time to muster courage and reveal their sexual orientation to peers or parents. For different people, it can happen at different ages. Some people understand their sexual orientation at an early age. Others understand it at a late age, and coming out can be a lifelong process for some people.  

In Bollywood movies, gay people were shown as a subject of ridicule, and theories were propagated about men failing to find wives or girlfriends and resorting to becoming gay. In those times, no psychologists could tell the world that real gays were gay by birth. The 2003 movie Girlfriend reinforced the belief that only those women chose to be gay who had been in abusive relationships in the past or may have suffered violence at the hands of husbands or boyfriends. The 2008 movie Dostana showed two men posing as gays to get residence permits in the USA, further reinforcing the belief that one could become homosexual or heterosexual anytime at their convenience. This movie legitimized the points the anti-gay people used as excuses to hate gay people.

The first serious attempt in Bollywood to use homosexuality as a theme for a movie started with the Badhaai Do movie, where a homosexual man married a homosexual woman to escape family pressure to get married and adopted a baby. At the same time, husband and wife secretly carried on with their gay relationships. They also struggled to keep their relationships outside marriage a secret because they feared coming out to their parents. And their fears were valid as both faced anger from their parents when they came out.

A web series titled The Fame Game shows that the son of a Bollywood celebrity is afraid of coming out to her mother, even though his mother is supportive, and she shows her support when she finds out. The father of the boy is a male chauvinist with abusive nature who is not going to be supportive if his son comes out to him. In a nutshell, this series explains that support from family members is the most important thing for a person from the LGBTQ community because anyone can stand up against opposition from the world only when they have a supportive family that can help them to keep their morale up.   

With the Bollywood remake of the popular French series Call My Agent (original name Dix Pour Cent) announced, people started to wonder that in an Indian setting, how would moralizing-free depictions of flings, extra-marital affairs, threesomes, and children born out of wedlock would be shown, given the cultural sensibilities of India. As movies like Badhaai Do are creating awareness about the life that real gays live and the fear that can make them prone to anxiety and depression, some parents are supportive of the different sexual orientations of their children.

There are six stages of coming out. Stage 1 of Identity Confusion is when a person wonders if they are homosexual. Confusion or denial are common at this stage. Stage 2 of Identity Comparison is when that person accepts the possibility of facing social isolation due to their sexual identity. Stage 3 of Identity Tolerance is when the acceptance of a person's homosexuality increases in their mind, making them tolerate their sexual identity. At this stage, there may be lesser confusion and distress regarding sexual orientation. However, the person feels more isolated and alienated, feeling different from everyone else. Most people start making contacts and friendships with LGBTQ community members at this stage. Stage 4 of Identity Acceptance is when a person has resolved most of the questions concerning their sexual identity and has accepted themself as homosexual. Stage 5 of Identity Pride is when a person is proud to be a part of the LGBTQ community and embraces the culture of this community. Stage 6 of Identity Synthesis is when that person integrates their sexual identity with all other aspects of their identity.

HelloDr is also ready to support nervous gay people by providing them with counseling. Experts affiliated with HelloDr can counsel gay people to embrace and be comfortable with their sexuality. They can also help them figure out how to reach their parents and family members. Teenagers may not have suitable answers to questions they might face from parents and friends. Counselors can also tell them the common questions and appropriate replies to prevent the situation from panicking. It is advisable to pick someone about who the gay person feels, and would be very supportive to be the first person to come out. HelloDr counselors help LGBTQ people select that. Counselors also advise them about the time and place to come out by assisting them with careful planning. HelloDr also helps LGBTQ members prepare for facing a negative reaction from some people via counseling.

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